Thinking Like an Athlete

You have heard me write many, many times, about my tendency to gain and lose the same 5 pounds over and over again. You've heard me tell about a "new plan" I'm going to start to drop those 5 pounds.

Well, when I finished my 20 foods challenge, I had dropped some weight, finishing the month at 124 pounds. I looked great, felt amazing, and was loving my body. But guess what? I suddenly had FREEDOM and I could EAT JUNK again. And I did. For 6 weeks.

And now I weigh 131. My weight has not been over 130 since the beginning of 2010, when I had a 5 month old.

And that "freedom" doesn't feel good anymore. Now I feel like I have NO freedom, because I'm not happy with the way my body looks right now.

And of course, I'm at that point where I want to lose the weight again, so I made a plan about how I was going to do it in 30 days. And I made a list of foods I was going to eat and not going to eat. And I took measurements and got on the scale and couldn't wait to tell you about my new plan. And then show you my dramatic transformation about the end of the month.

But.

I realized that's insane. 

I'm sure you've heard that Einstein quote that says "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Well, why would I expect that it would be different this time? Don't you think that if I went on another restrictive 30 day plan, I would, at the end of the month, go crazy again and gain it all back? And the weight gain this time was pretty substantial. Who says that it won't be worse next time?

No. I don't need a crazy plan. I don't need restrictions. I don't need a program. I did that when, 12 years ago, I walked into L.A. Weight Loss and paid them a THOUSAND DOLLARS to help me lose 20 pounds.  And yet, 12 years later, I still struggle to keep my weight where I want it to be. I don't mean to say that following a specific plan is a bad thing. I know people on various plans that are seeing great results. But that's not what I need.

See, not L.A. Weight Loss, or Weight Watchers, or calorie counting, or eating 20 foods only, or ANYTHING I've tried has helped me deal with the REAL problem: I binge eat, and I use eating both to celebrate my joys and to drown my sorrows.

See, I have to stop DOING that. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, and no diet is going to fix that. What I need is to be mindful of what I'm eating. To slow down. To be able to enjoy a special treat now and then, but not feel like I have to eat everything in front of me all the time. To enjoy a nice meal out, or a dessert treat, and not let it morph into some crazy weekend-long junk food binge.

I have to stop looking for a "quick fix". Because that may work in the short term, but I KNOW that in the long run, I'll just be doing it AGAIN. And unless I want to spend the next 30 years doing it, I have to just Chill. Out.

I believe that, especially since I'm committed to exercise because I love it and I'll keep doing it no matter what the scale says, that if I eat well and don't go crazy, my weight will slowly return to where it's supposed to be.

I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago, and they were interviewing someone who had lost a large amount of weight and had ended up becoming a runner. I don't remember her name or what podcast it was, but something she said stuck with me. She said something to the effect of, "I consider myself an athlete now. And 2 things I know about athletes: 1) They don't abuse their bodies, they have to feed their bodies well if they expect them to perform well. 2) They aren't overly critical of their bodies, because they love their bodies for what they have the ability to do."

Obviously, she's not talking about every single athlete out there, but she makes a good point.

What if I focus on thinking like a RUNNER?  I need to feed my runner's body what it needs to be good at running. And I need to respect it for each of the miles it has carried me in the past and, God willing, will continue to carry me through in the future.

I need to keep eating healthy food and working out. I need to be very intentional with what goes into my mouth. I will allow myself to eat anything, but I have to make good decisions. I have to learn to MODERATE, something I've struggled with for, as it feels like, my entire life. This scares me, really. Because I have never been successful at it. But it's something I NEED to learn.

So the next time I tell you I'm hatching some crazy weight loss plan, stop me. Because that's not what I need. I need to think like an athlete, because apparently I am one.

Saturday Snapshot May 18

Listening: To silence. Another day to myself!

Loving: The experience I had volunteering for the Girls on the Run 5K this morning. SO inspiring. It was amazing. Those girls are awesome. And some of them, at 10ish years old, run WAY faster than I do.

Wanting: To watch TV. Almost caved last night. Still hanging in there.

Needing: Probably a new bathing suit but really, I do NOT want to shop for one. Not. At. All.

Reading: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do and How to Change by Charles Duhigg and Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Just finished Sickened by Julie Gregory.

Excited about: Planning some fall races, now that I believe I can DO it!

Today: Volunteered at the race this morning, did some shopping, had a "no meat-o burrito" bowl at California Tortilla, ran 9 miles, ate some chicken soup for dinner, and here I sit.

Want to Be: In the present and intentional with my actions.

Planning: A living room/kitchen update. Picked up some paint samples today, now to decide!

Grateful: For all the coaches, buddies, and organizers who make Girls on the Run possible. Such a wonderful program!

Do you want to know who you are? 

Don't ask. Act!

 Action will delineate and define you.

Thomas Jefferson.

My Magic Running Pill

Although it feels like I've been running forever, I've only been running consistently for about 3 years now.

2010 was a great year. I ran my first half marathon at a 10:32 pace, and was pretty consistent at getting a 9-10 minute mile pace at shorter distances.

2011 was still decent, I completed my second half marathon and my first full marathon. Still, I was slowing down a bit and couldn't understand why I was struggling with my times.

2012 was a really, really hard year, trying to come back from injury and feeling like running was impossible at times. I got to the point where I was just trying to make it through 2 miles without walking. By the end of the year, I slowly made it to 6 miles to run a 10K, but my pace was a 12:40 mile.

There were SO many days last year that I considered giving up running. That I believed I couldn't do it. I had NO idea what was wrong with me. I analyzed it. I whined about it. I tried taking a break. I tried anything I could think of to get my old running self back.

It never occurred to me that I actually had a MEDICAL REASON for it! Apparently, my body was slowly running out of iron! My doctor diagnosed me with iron deficiency anemia a few weeks ago and told me to take iron supplements.

One week later, it was like a light switch was turned on. All of a sudden, I can RUN again.

My last eight runs have surprised me. I have been able to go faster and farther than expected. High points of the past week have been 3 miles in 29 minutes, and another one was 6 miles in an hour! Suddenly I am seeing times in the 9's and 10's rather than the 11's and 12's! It was like improving over 2 minutes a mile almost overnight!

Part of me doesn't even want to TALK about it, for fear that it's going away. It's just surreal. Each time I go for a run, I get into this place where it feels AMAZING. And I CRAVE it and I LOVE it and it just feels so, so right and perfect.

Imagine if I'd gone to the doctor 2 years ago. I wonder if I could have skipped a lot of stress and frustration.

But what's done is done, I am happy to have found what seems like the cause of my problems. I hope these paces keep up!

Media Month: Week Two

I am halfway through media month! Yesterday, I was explaining to a friend who hasn't read my blog, and I was telling her that I was giving up seven forms of media for the month. I listed five, and I could not for the life of me remember the last two! I guess that means I'm surviving, huh?

So here's the update on each category and where I'm at:

1. Pinterest -- this is one of the two I forgot about when talking to my friend. It's a fun site, but I'm fine without it.

2. Huffington Post -- once I've gotten out of the habit of feeling like I "need to" read my favorite sections each night, I don't miss it. I have no idea what's going on in the world, but I'm okay with that.

3. Scramble with Friends -- I like the game, and it will still be fun to play sometimes when I'm done with this month. It's nice to have as an option when I just need a few minutes to do something mindless. But not really missing it.

4. Blogs -- this is the other one I forgot about! Unbelievable, right? I mean, I don't know what messed up cakes people have taken pictures of, and I'm still alive to tell about it.

5. Fiction reading -- did you know that some memoirs read just like fiction? I'm technically sticking to the rules, but feel like I'm cheating sometimes. But that's cool with me, reading is a good thing. Right now I have 2 nonfictions going and am going to start another memoir tonight.

6. Facebook -- I have discovered, after two weeks, that I have stopped, as I call it, "Thinking in Facebook." While I do think of things I want to share now and then, I don't find myself constantly forming a status in my head, and I no longer feel compelled to rush to the computer to share my thoughts with the world. That's a good thing.

I do miss my friends, though. Sure, I see/talk to my closest friends anyway, but our moms club has a nice chat group going on FB and I really miss that. Can't wait to catch up with all of you ladies!

I do feel, too, that I am really out of the loop on things. You run into people, and they expect you to know things already, because they assume you've read them on Facebook. I know I've already missed a pregnancy announcement, a gender reveal, and a birth announcement. Plus a whole host of other things. Fortunately some of my friends have caught me up and passed on info I needed.

7. TV -- I miss this most of all. Which is surprising, because I don't watch much. But on the nights (about once a week, usually) when my husband is hanging out with his friends, I want to watch TV. Probably because it's like there are other people here with me. I don't mind being alone, actually I love time to myself, but sometimes at night I don't feel like reading, I just want to watch TV and get lost in someone else's fictional life. I miss you, Christina Yang and Alex Karev. I'll see you in a few weeks.

So that's it. Overall, still going slightly easier than expected. I've been spending my free time running (lots more to come on that topic), reading, and eating way too much (more on that, too).

2 weeks to go!

Saturday Snapshot May 11

Listening: To some new downloads I added to my running mix. How can you not love Thrift Shop?

Loving: Running. Finally feeling like I'm making progress again after such a long struggle. But for the past 2 weeks, my runs have been amazing and I've come home from each one feeling refreshed and inspired.

Wanting: To watch the 2 Grey's episodes that are in my Hulu queue, according to the super helpful emails Hulu sends me. I miss you, dreamy doctors.

Needing: To get my eating back on track! I've been off for a few weeks and have gained a few pounds. Gearing up for at LEAST a month of clean eating.

Reading: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do and How to Change by Charles Duhigg and Elephant Girl: A Human Story by Jane Devin. 

Excited about: My next 5K, June 1. I should be able to show some nice improvement from my last one!

Today: Had a kid free day. Quiet time to read and hang out at home in silence in the morning. Then lunch out and some shopping/errand running in the afternoon. Incidentally, we DID stop at a thrift shop.

Want to Be: Starting over with my diet for the LAST TIME. NOT interested in this whole "eat really healthy-feel great-fall off the bandwagon-eat crap-feel crappy-repeat" cycle again.

Planning: On getting a nice Mother's Day run in if all goes well!

Grateful: for a terrific family, both immediate and extended.

"I got to grow up with a mother

 who taught me to believe in me."

-- Antonio Villaraigosa

Media Month: Week One

I have survived week one of my media challenge! No TV, Facebook, or other mindless use of the Internet this week, and I lived to tell about it!

Okay, here's the thing: it's been surprisingly easy so far. Maybe because I've been busy and haven't found myself with a lot of free time wondering what to do. Somehow, there has been enough going on that I wonder how I had so much time to spend on nonsense anyway!

I did ask Megan yesterday, though, if I could watch TV just while exercising. I NEED TV while doing weights! She said no. Don't you hate "friends" like that? But she's right. I don't NEED TV. I just have a desperate desire to find out what's happening at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.

And then there's Facebook, something I thought would be impossible to live without.

Confession: the first couple of days, my two best friends were CALLING me because they had to share some Facebook gossip with me. But hey, I didn't ask them to do that! They just love me enough that they don't want me to miss out!

I guess the biggest thing I've realized this week is that I just use Facebook to have someone to talk to. I come from a long line of talkers, and I am always TALKING. Notice below:

Running and talking

Running and talking

Waiting in line for some obstacle and talking

Crawling out of a tunnel and talking

Crawling through mud and STILL TALKING!

It makes sense, really. When I was a classroom teacher, and met up with my other teacher friends at lunch and break times, we would just unload on each other about the morning: what funny things the kids did, who was driving us crazy, etc. I guess Facebook is my break room, so to speak. I don't have other adults with me to talk to all day, so online I go.

The first day or two it was weird. I realize how much I "think in Facebook". Like, a thought comes into my head, and I mentally arrange it in an interesting way. Then I instinctively want to go type it in and wait for all the "likes" to come rolling in. 

I can't do that now. So all that witty banter is wasted in my head. It's a good exercise in using my filter (which I'm terrible at) and learning not to let everything that comes into my head run out of my mouth. Do you NEED to know how much I love avocados or that I'm at Dairy Queen again? Doubtful.

I do miss seeing what's going on with people, and I have no idea what's going on in the world, but it's all good. People have informed me that the world is still turning and nothing major has happened.

That's it for week one! Three more to go!

Leave me a comment and make me happy, I'm not getting that Facebook feedback and all those likes!

We Love Wegmans and Jillian!

Okay, so I finally have a minute to tell you about the awesome day I had on Friday! One of the goals on my 35 goals list was to spend a special day with a friend. My BFF Megan and I arranged for some childcare (thanks to Megan's mom, aka Nana, and my other fabulous friend Tiff!) and were able to spend about 13 hours together!

We had planned a route ahead of time that led us to several stops. We started off with some basic shopping at Target and Ross. Nothing too exciting there. Nest up was a trip to the exciting town of Malvern to stop at a Wegmans. We have lots of grocery stores where we live, but nothing super exciting like Wegmans! We couldn't wait to check it out!

I normally despise grocery shopping! But apparently, when you're with your friend, taking the time to ooh and aah over the organic selections and healthy bulk foods, with a latte in hand, it's quite a good time!

After that, we stopped at the fun town of Manayunk. We crossed something else off my list -- eat at a new restaurant -- and had dinner at the Manayunk Brewing Company. We ate out by the water on the most beautiful day imaginable. It was perfect.

After that, it was on to the main event: we had tickets to see Jillian Michaels' Maximize Your Life tour! She was speaking at the Academy of Music in Philadelphia. Yes, I managed to drive there, with Megan's help to navigate, and we didn't get lost or even honked at! 

I didn't have my camera with me, so Megan tried to take pictures on her phone but they didn't come out too well. This was the background screen on stage that said Jillian Michaels in big, sparkly letters. 

Let me just say, I found Jillian super motivating, fun, and HILARIOUS. We were busting out laughing a lot of the time. She is just bouncy and energetic and WAY less annoying than the is on The Biggest Loser. I really enjoyed hearing her speak. While most of what she presented was information I already knew about, I was motivated and refreshed hearing her present it in her own way.

A dark but cute pic of me and Meg waiting for the show!

So from my memory, here are the basic things I took from the show. Jillian divided it up into 3 areas: eating, exercise, and self.

Eating:

• Calories matter. She showed us how to find your caloric needs using BMR and your activity level.
• Read your labels. She reminded us about what we should avoid, such as HFCS and hydrogenated oils, and that if you can't pronounce an ingredient, you probably shouldn't eat it.
• Choose organic when you can, particularly with fruits/veggies on the dirty dozen list.
• Healthy eating is expensive and getting a dollar hamburger is NOT a good deal, health wise. Try to find an extra $20 a week for groceries and apply it to organic meat and dairy. 

Exercise:

• You should exercise for at least 4 30-minute sessions a week, and shouldn't need to exercise for more than 6 hours a week.
• You need to get your heart rate up and work hard. Her words were "Move your ass, and move it fast."
• Exercises that use a combination of muscle groups (like pushups or a squat press) are best. Stay away from the machines at the gym that isolate one muscle group at a time and instead do free weights and other body weight exercises that involve more muscle groups at once.

Self:

• Stop letting fear hold you back and BELIEVE that you can achieve your goals.
• Don't set small goals. Set HUGE goals. BIG ones. Then break them down into smaller steps.
• Don't wait until the kids or out of the house, or you get that pay raise, or Monday, or whatever. Start NOW.
• Most of what happens in our life is a choice. We CHOOSE to be overweight based on our actions. We choose lots of our circumstances. We have the power to CHANGE the things about our lives we don't like.

She said a lot more than that, in a much more motivating way. I just wanted to let you know the basics, and I remember them 4 days later. I truly loved hearing her speak and I wish I could go again and take all of you with me, because she is amazing! She inspired me to believe that I CAN achieve whatever it is I want to achieve in life. Now I just need to get some huge goals and get working!